Some of my boys are very fortunate, they have met their ‘Forever Mistress’, but how will you know when you’ve met yours?
When seeking out a Mistress, some factors will be to some extent personal and driven your own quirks and fetishes and would not be valid for other submissives seeking out their forever mistress.
Finding the right Mistress can be a very long and drawn out process, some never meet her, others pass her by, finding it is too late and your queen will have retired without you managing to gain a permanent place in her stable. Others may be lucky enough to have found the most precious gift life can give, the final piece of your puzzle, the ying to your yang, the FLR, your forever Mistress.
You have spent years, having numerous experiences sessioning with various Dommes. You have had some wonderful times and created many memories but still have not met ‘the one’ who has stolen your heart, locked your cock and put her mark on you?
I have written out my thoughts on what you should seek in your forever Mistress in my own words below.
Firstly I regrettably have to make such a shallow fact, that you must be attracted physically to your Mistress. If you are not physically attracted to her, she will not be able to make you reach your full submissive potential. After all, men will do ANYTHING for a beautiful lady, right?
She will know how to play you like a fiddle. She will use your weaknesses against you, yet make you feel safe in her presence. You will almost fear what is next, yet crave it so badly, knowing you must play the ‘I must please Mistress’ game. Doing whatever it takes to make her happy. You feel on edge with anticipation and excitement, yet so relaxed whilst in her company, trusting her to guide you.
You trust her implicitly. You trust her to break you, yet trust her to piece you back together. I often say BDSM is the game of trust, years to build, a split second to break. One wrong move and the entire relationship can be destroyed and potentially irreparable. As a Mistress I always have my subs best interests at heart. At all times my head thinks for two not just one. My boys and clients who have served me for years will vouch for this. Under no circumstances would I ever put them in any form danger or let them come to any harm. I protect them like the Queen does the King in a game of chess. Trust and loyalty in this game works both ways.
Along with trust comes communication, and she knows how to do this. The right Mistress will communicate with you on all levels constantly. With honest and good communication, I always believe a relationship cannot fail. I always ask for feedback at the end of sessions, and good communication throughout. This way I can sense if I need to ramp things up, keep it at a level, or pull back some. The only two things I will ever ask for are 100% honesty and good communication at all times. For my boys who know me well, they will know one thing I cannot abide is dishonesty and lies.
She is empathetic and highly emotionally intelligent. The best Mistresses care about their clients, they care about whether they have provided the best experience they can for them. They care about their physical and emotional well-being, and are careful not to damage either in a session and they treat each client as an individual.
She does not, and will never judge you based on your kinks. A good Mistress does not judge, but accepts clients as they are (in terms of fetishes, not, obviously, in terms of personal conduct which is socially unacceptable). I will only ever judge people based on their actions towards me and mortality.
She will challenge you. Admittedly, as a true Dominatrix, one thing I do like more than anything, is making men do things they do not want to do. It gets me off, I thrive off it, I relish in it. The best Mistresses are imaginative and can extemporise in session. This leads to the thrill of new discovery and the anticipation of the unexpected. A good Mistress will push your limits but respect your boundaries. Done carefully and with skill, this will be enough to eventually break you in time, making your bond with Mistress deepen and irreplaceable.
She will not make your time with her feel clock watched. She will not hurl you out on the hour, she will ensure you are in a good state physically and mentally to return to the real world. I like my clients and boys to feel like my playroom is home, a safe place where you can relax and be your 100% true self. If you are lucky enough to gain a place in her stable, your time with Mistress will most probably move onto an ‘arrangement”. This is often a lifestyle commitment, and you must be prepared to make large sacrifices and put her needs before your own at all times. The servitude at this point will have gone way past the playroom and you will be helping your Mistress with her personal day to day going ons and bringing to her life to make it better.
She makes you a better man. She is deeply supportive and has your back. I really do get deep satisfaction from seeing men who come to be trained to be the perfect submissive. I strive for perfection at all times and I always push my boys to be the best they can be in life and grow as a person. A good woman will always do this, she will make you a better man. I can sincerely say I gain deep satisfaction from bringing to my boys and clients life and enhancing it, helping them self discover. I try to give good, honest advice to my boys where I can when they need it in life. I feel honoured that people share the deepest and darkest parts of their souls with me.
She is authentic and a true devotee to the BDSM lifestyle. Time spent with a professional Mistress is fantasy, not real life. But the fantasy cannot come to life unless the Mistress is a true devotee of BDSM. There are some ladies who will do this profession for the money, not for the passion and love. This to me is a lifestyle choice, not only a profession.
She is intuitive. She listens, is patient and perseveres. When something is not working, she will work hard at things to reach the end destination. It is something of a cliché for Mistresses to claim on their websites that they will touch the deepest parts of your soul and psyche. Intuition is important in two ways, to help the submissive discover their true inner desires and to judge just how far to push limits in a session. The best Mistresses know how to listen and how to ask the right questions. They don’t jump to conclusions or simply go through the motions of a tired script. They build a true understanding of their submissive. That takes time, of course, and there are no shortcuts and this can take anything from six months to many years. I have spent many years taking my clients and boys on a journey to help them find their true selves and discover who they are. At times this has not been easy, mentally and physically, for both parties. I am a woman that cannot stand to fail and does not give in at life or anything it throws at me.
A true dominatrix will give more than she gets. I often feel that if I am not bringing to my boys and clients lives, I am not being a true dominant. Many will be confused at this, as many Mistresses have a reputation for being selfish and demanding. I laugh whilst writing this as I am the most selfish yet selfless person you will ever meet. High maintenance yet so rewarding.
A true dominatrix will never ask for anything, submission is given freely, not demanded. Everything I have and relationships I have are freely given to me. I have demanded nothing. My moto, demand nothing gain everything.
Below are writings from my three owned boys. They have kindly taken the time to share how they knew I was their forever Mistress, and what made them make their decisions.
I was a deeply submissive guy with a whole heap of kinky thoughts rattling around in my head. I had one long term experience in my ‘vanilla’ life as a cuck with some mid level FLR. Since losing this I felt it left a huge hole in my heart and my life which I feared I could never again fill. I started seeing Dommes and quickly ticked off a few fantasies, but I wasn’t really getting any sense of connection with the person wielding the weapon. I rarely visited the same Domme twice. It was a deeply unfulfilling experience which was starting to get quite depressing. The temporary highs associated with intense sessions were swiftly followed by deep lows stemming from a the lack of connection and that transactional feeling you get when simply exchanging your hard earned cash for kink.
All of this changed when I met Mistress of Desire. It was a chance encounter. I was instantly attracted to her physically. She was an absolute vision, tall, stunning, immaculately turned out, with long brown hair, beautiful green eyes and a figure to die for. Funnily enough, this was not what sealed the deal. It was actually the way she chose to communicate with me. Little did I know that many years on, I would still be obeying her every command. To this day, I still get hard when she whispers in my ear.
She is constantly challenging me and introducing me to new activities and scenarios whilst still respecting my hard limits. Harsh and fair in equal measures. Many years on from starting and building my relationship with her, I have moved onto being fully owned, in permanent chastity, and currently awaiting my branding. Mistress is the pinnacle of a Dominatrix.
I recommend searching for a Domme who ticks some or all of the following boxes, this is what made me conclude my decision on selecting Mistress of Desire as my forever Mistress;
– Her needs and pleasure are more important than your own.
– You are prepared to sacrifice the things that you hold dear to please her.
– You are constantly wanting her to push your soft limits, whilst respecting your hard ones.
– You want to help her with the mundane things in her life.
– You are constantly checking your messages and emails hoping to find something there from her.
– You delete all of your old contacts and she is the only person in your phonebook.
– Your spirits soar when she says you’ve been a ‘good boy’.
– Being referred to as her ‘property’ makes you feel proud.
– You are OK with her tattooing / branding you with her initials / name.
– She is all you think about, dawn to dusk.
– You actually like the woman behind the mask.
And if she does, then you can be fairly sure that you have found ‘the one’.
Why Am I Devoting My Life to Mistress of Desire?
When I stepped through the doors of Mistress of Desire, I met the most emotionally intelligent woman I had ever come across in my life. Day to day being a professor and academic, I find so many people have high academic intelligence, yet no emotional intelligence. This is something I have found not many people possess on such a high level. Only one other Mistress I know comes close, but not that close.
The key turnoffs for me are lack of hygiene and someone who is not in command of what they are doing. They are linked by the need to generate trust, without which BDSM just doesn’t work. If I don’t feel safe, I don’t come back. Lack of preparation and personal attention. This is a general expectation of any professional. Visiting a professional Mistress is not cheap, but it is money well spent if the service is good, as it brings a unique and precious sense of fulfilment. I have, unfortunately, seen the odd Mistress who gave me less attention and interest than my barber, to whom I pay £7 a session. I never went back.
Linked to this are a variety of other things which create an unfortunate impression that you are not a valued client, all pretty obvious: not providing the service asked for; starting late of finishing early without good reason; looking and acting bored; being rude and disrespectful (except where it is part of the session scenario). Mistress of Desire has never fallen foul on any of these and gives 200% and acts in a totally professional way at all times.
The things which help, but don’t really matter all that much….. I like tall women! Mistress towers over me at well over 6ft in her heels. A good range of equipment. She is always well equipped and her premises are perhaps one of the best in the UK. Good looks, for those of you who wonder what face is behind the mask, i can reassure you it is an exquisitely, exceptionally pretty one. Nicely dressed and well presented, Mistress is always dressed to the nines in the finest attire day in day out. Clear website with clear instructions and good communication. From day one from making my very first appointment, right to this day where she will message to give daily orders, Mistress is always clear and precise in her communication.
There are plenty of clues above as to why I chose to be a long-term client and moved onto being owned and the live in maid of Mistress of Desire. She is totally professional, she knows what she is doing, she offers totally immersive sessions tailored to the individual and never gives less than her all. She is a true perfectionist. She takes a genuine interest in her clients. She is highly intelligent, intuitive and creative and uses these qualities to provide her clients with a deep experience and a journey of discovery.
Over and above all this, however, I found something I could never justify putting on a list, as it would never be a fair expectation of any Mistress. This has been a lifestyle choice for me eventually and I have chosen to devote my life to this incredibly unique and special woman. I found a incredibly brave, generous and honest woman who has brought way more to my life than I ever dreamed possible. She has pulled me through the darkest storms and made the sun shine every day. She has come through battles shining, against all odds, such a remarkable woman. I have come to know her well and yet I still feel that I have a long way to go before I fully explore all the depth she has, both as a person and as a Mistress.
Before meeting Mistress of Desire (MOD) I had seen maybe 10 different Mistresses over a period of 20 years. I had never seen one more than once. Generally bookings were made last minute on impulse. More often than not I found myself bored after about 15 minutes of the session, resulting in ending the session myself. Perhaps the fantasy and reality did not compare for me? Maybe I wasn’t really sure what I wanted? Was I submissive or not was I into kink at all?
My appointment with MOD was organised like usual for me. Called up in the morning, looking for an appointment later that day. She answered the call professionally and arrangements were made to accommodate me that afternoon.
I can’t really recall what gave me the urge this particular day. I had a sensual massage a few weeks before that had left me for the first time in many years questioning my situation in life. I didn’t fancy another massage at that moment. I don’t visit escorts .. I’ll try a mistress again I thought. MOD had appeared on the twitter feed of another Mistress I had visited before, she looked physically exactly my type being slim, tall and with long brunette hair.
On arrival for my session MOD greeted me at the door wearing stockings and Agent Provocateur lingerie. Wow. I have to say MOD is more attractive in the flesh than the pictures, a rarity. A model like figure and a wonderful smile and beautiful teeth that you won’t see in her pictures. She also has a great voice, or voices, that change with her mood or the intent.
We had a quick informal chat. We discovered that we both had a great passion for cars and a few other interests which was great! MOD was very easy to talk with and she asked questions which I liked. We then got down to ideas for the session. I hadn’t really come with a pick list, but somehow we got onto the idea of a hypnosis session and we would try hypnotic chastity. If I have a fantasy at all, it is the power a woman has over a mans sexual urges. Call it Femme Fatale or Honey trap. Locking a man in chastity is the perverse extension of that in my mind.
I am a person that struggles with trust, so I didn’t really relax or go very deep in hypnosis. But I very much enjoyed listening to her words. They were flowing naturally and resonated with me. Being controlled by a beautiful woman and aroused by her touch and appearance but not being able to orgasm. That I would get increasingly sexually frustrated and want to please her and be submissive to her!
Sadly the hypnotic chastity did not work (probably more my fault) but I enjoyed my time and was curious to experiment and explore more and so we met monthly for around 6 months. Each session was a mixture of hypnosis of different themes (submission, female control etc and relaxation) with a small bit of mild BDSM play time such as CBT at the end.
The turning point for me came in June 2018. I bought a couple of chastity devices and presented them to MOD at our next session. I even bought lingerie for a woman for the first time in my life. She was overjoyed! She eagerly examined them and was keen to lock me. She spent some time deciding which fitted best. After I had spent time serving MOD and her teasing me, I was sent on my way a locked boy!! What had I started?!
It’s hard to describe the feeling if you have not experienced it. But having a weight around your private parts certainly makes you think about your Mistress almost continuously. You never truly forget about her.. .. how could you when you have something reminding you of her so obviously and continuously. I soon got into a routine of going to the toilet sitting down and getting woken in the night and morning with a painful erection. MOD kept almost daily checks on me. I saw MOD again after a couple of weeks but stayed locked for another couple of weeks. She wanted me frustrated and at this point I still was not. I am a tough person to crack sexually as MOD and I have discovered.
Chastity definitely brought me closer to Mistress and I have learnt a lot about myself, my sexuality, and also the approach MOD takes to her boys. She is taking me on a journey of self discovery, or should I say dragging me!
Wind forward the clock to today and I really am so glad that our paths crossed. I would call MOD an incredible friend as much as a Mistress. We have done many fun social events together, have amazing intellectual conversations long into the night sometimes, and have both been there for each other at times of need. It feels like we have a closeness and common outlook in life. I have also learnt that I can be submissive to the right woman. MOD is that woman. I am still at the very beginning of my journey, and not yet that adventurous in the play room, but as I trust MOD more and more, as we get closer as friends and she helps me to submit more, I am sure I will.
I look forward to fun and mutually rewarding and challenging times ahead.